Are you ambivalent?
Dictionary.com defines ambivalence
as: uncertainty or fluctuation, esp. when caused by inability to make a choice
or by a simultaneous desire to say or do two opposite or conflicting things; the coexistence of
opposing attitudes or feelings, such as love and hate, toward a person, object,
or idea.
The word ambivalence according to
Merriam Webster is: simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings (as
attraction and repulsion) toward an object, person, or action. Dr Deborah
Serani (2008), a psychologist from USA argues that ambivalence is a
psychological disease and needs to be treated.
One may agree with the previous,
and many other, definitions for different reasons and purposes behind
ambivalence behaviour, however, the specific definition for ambivalence which
can be applied to the purpose of this short article is feeling and thinking in
one way and acting in another. More concretely, this article deals with social
ambivalence in the 21st century not behaviour and feelings of individuals
in their personal relationships.
The first time I heard the word
ambivalence was in one of my lectures in the East Lancashire Institute of
Higher Education. My tutor mentioned the word with caution and explained as
having two faces. ‘It is very bad if somebody being told that he has two faces’
he said, when he raised his head, as looking for any possible reaction, he saw
one of my colleagues and I were glancing at each other with a meant smile. The
tutor asked for the reason of our smile and I said that nowadays many people
have two faces.
After that I observed many ambivalent
individuals and thought about any possible reasons behind our sense of
ambivalence and the source of that attitude. My first finding is that
ambivalence is not a natural human attitude but we are forced to it by
different cultural, legal political and civic bonds. Every day we meet different people with a
forced smile on their lips, they are human beings and it is natural to have
senses of love, hate, disgust, attraction and avoidance. However, they have to keep all these human
senses under cover and place a forced smile in their place.
One of the main characteristics of
this age is the vast campaigns for human rights and especially the rights of
minorities and different groups such as women, homosexuals, bi-sexual, refugees
and asylum seekers, black people and etc... The laws change fast and law
enforcers have to apply the law, even if they are not really ready to accept or
even understand the ethics or the moral value behind the introduction of that
law. It can be argued that there is nothing wrong with this process, as it is
neither practical not logical to persuade all the law enforcement subjects in
order to introduce a new law. However, we have to acknowledge the reality that
not everybody is totally happy with what they do and there is not a straight
line dividing who supports the new law and who opposes, due to the ambivalence
nature of our daily life.
To make things more clear, there are
still many public and private officers and employees who have to hide their
true feelings in order to carry on their daily routines. It is common sense
that in the present day western cultures nobody accepts to be called racist,
sexist or so on. When people asked about these behaviours in public they deny
any such allegations. They have to say that they see everybody exactly the same
and they do not discriminate anybody for racial origin, sexual orientation,
disability, religion, colour of skin and so on. However, in private and non-official
talks many people are the opposite; this may or may not appear in their acts or
on their faces. The consequences of this may create more hate and less
understanding towards the minority and marginalized groups and communities. The
reasons behind that are various from legal, as it is against the law to
discriminate people, moral, as it is shame to be racist, sexist or so on,
cultural, as it is now part of the culture to be multicultural, tolerant and
apply the magic of equal opportunities, at least in writing.
What would happen if people were
allowed to express their feelings and thinking without being accused of sexism,
racism or violating equal opportunities? In this case, it can be argued that
they will have a safety valve to empty their inner depressed feelings and may
act towards thinking about the acceptance and tolerance in a better way. Law
must be created, enforced and respected, that is the starting point of any
civic society. However, people should have a chance to learn and be educated at the same time as
they have to be law abiding individuals.
Individuals are human beings and it is part of their natural being to be
suspicious and nervous about the stranger and any strange things comparing to
their routine daily life, norms and traditions of their culture.
One may argue that women are equal to
men in the western civilized countries. Comparing to the position of women in
some of the eastern countries, they are perfectly equal! However, it can be
argued that, if they were really equal they did not need women associations,
women refuge and so many laws and orders to protect women from men. The
ambivalence nature of this is that in the west people cannot discriminate women
publicly as they are protected by law. At the same time there are many men who
practice domestic violence against women and children behind closed doors in
the same civilized western society. It is obvious that we do not expect
everybody and everyone to abide law. However, those who break the law actually
are just a small portion of a wider group who principally agree with them, but
do not do the same for various reasons.
At the conclusion it can be argued
that, society changes slowly, much slower than it is predicted. People are tied
by different traditional, cultural and religious feelings and thoughts that are
difficult to be eliminated by a change in law which is forced on them from
above. At this age of globalization and mass availability of information many
people may argue that society is perfect and we do not need any form of
sociological study as it was the case in the previous centuries. However, we
should not ignore the ambivalence nature of our feelings and those vast legal,
economical, social and cultural barriers which hide the true nature of the
feelings of millions of people; i.e. ambivalence. We need courage and
opportunity to express our real feelings and thoughts and a better social
education and training to really accept the new laws and traditions.
References
Searni Deborah (2008) The Curse of ambivalence.
Available from:
Accessed: 05th April 2008
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